I am outside of the tiny town of Ninh Binh, Vietnam, surrounded by stunning limestone cliffs, caves, and lakes. Few tourists come to this spot, and a local man is now desperately trying to communicate with me, excited to see a foreigner. After using the extent of his English language skills; “name?” and “from?” he just stood staring at me and smiling, and I smiled awkwardly in return, until we were both distracted by a very mischievous monkey.

A medium sized gray monkey had now climbed down from the rock cliffs to beg for food. The man approached it and gave it a small hunk of bread. With a smile he began petting the monkey, something I had failed miserably at in the past, usually just barely managing to escape unbitten. The next move of this man took a turn for the unexpected as he let his hand slide slowly down the front of the monkey, all the while staring at me with teeth shown in a grin that consumed his face.

He gave a small chuckle as his fingers pinched the small wiener of this wild monkey and started stroking it, quickly, up and down, up and down, something I believe the cartoon South Park refers to as “red rocket.” Leaving me little choice but to stare in awe at what I was seeing, the man continued to stroke and smile like a small child hanging a cat by its tail.

The monkey became increasingly excited; suddenly flipping around, and presenting its rump to the man; prostrating itself. His lips creeped wider up his face giving way to a small chuckle. The man then gave me a wink and a nod as he curled his middle fingertip under his thumb and gave the monkeys large, drooping monkey testicles a deft “flick.”

The monkey, clearly not as amused as the man, screeched and screamed as it flew wildly up the cliffs again, to sit and glare back at him with a looked that seemed to say; “why?” The stare I gave the man was probably not all too dissimilar from the monkeys. Clearly pleased with himself and still sporting a wide sheepish grin, the man turned and waltzed away, satisfied. I still have no idea what the hell happened in those moments, but I do wish I had it on film.

<Breaking the language barrier using a monkey’s genitals…>

Location: Ninh Binh, Vietnam
By: David Jackson